In our latest consumer survey, we found that nearly a quarter of British homeowners (22%) have split up with a partner whilst looking for a home together.
A lack of planning is a key reason many couples end up arguing.
But fear not, starry-eyed lovebirds, as it doesn’t have to be that way.
We’ve brought in Jacqueline Hurst, one of the UK’s leading life coaches, to share her advice for creating a home plan.
A home plan helps you and your partner set out your vision for your home together.
Paired with our house-hunting tools, it’ll help you navigate the considerations and compromises that come with buying a home as a couple.
Here’s how to create your home plan.
1. Be transparent about your financial position
“The first question you need to ask your partner is if they are willing to be fully open and honest about money,” says Jacqueline.
“Financial secrets coming to light are a key reason couples split up during the home-search process.
“So make sure you have this chat before you start your search for a home.
“Write down all the costs of buying the home together. And when you know what you might pay in total, share what you are able to contribute.
“This angle is a much more positive way to approach the conversation, rather than saying what you expect your partner to pay for.
“The biggest question is likely to be how you’ll split your deposit and mortgage payments. A mortgage calculator can help you estimate how much you’ll pay each month and what you’ll need to save for a deposit.”
“Having an open conversation about something as intimate as money can actually bring you closer.
“It might be hard, but it’s a really good way to open the door (excuse the pun!) to connect with each other on a deeper level.
“Make sure you do it at a good time, like over lunch at the weekend rather than after a tough day at work.”
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2. Prepare for tough conversations
“House-hunting opens the door to hard questions that many couples won’t have previously discussed,” says Jacqueline.
“The need to have big conversations leads to a break-up for many couples.
“It might be whether kids are on the agenda or what you want to happen to your assets if one of you dies, which will impact how you should own the property together.
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“But the best way to prepare for tough conversations is to go in with the right thinking.
“Your thoughts create your feelings so be positive in your mindset. Tough conversations bring clarity, answers and information. All of that is good!”
“Ask if you’re both willing to get into these deep conversations - and if you’re both willing to be completely honest with each other during the process.
“If this is difficult for either of you, take a moment to stop and reflect. It might not be the right time to start this journey together.
“But that is also important information you can only gain from asking questions like these.”
The awkward questions you need to ask before buying together
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3. Share your vision of your dream home
“Make sure you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to exactly what you want in your next home.
“Nearly half of the homeowners (46%) in the survey said they had to move AGAIN because they and their partner didn’t agree on a place they both liked when they first bought together.
“Take the time to speak with your partner about your dream home and listen to theirs.
“What are your ‘must-haves’ and what are your ‘nice to haves’?
More often than not, there will be overlaps in your wish lists and that strengthens your joint vision. It gives you a clear idea of what you’re looking for and makes the process more enjoyable.
“Have this conversation in a fun, joyful and loving way - you could even make it into a game.
“You could write things down that are important to you in a home and play a round of Snap to see if they match up.
“Once you’ve worked out your priorities, there are so many ways you can tailor your home search accordingly.
“For example, if it’s a driveway, garden or a certain number of bedrooms, narrow down your criteria using keywords in your search.”
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4. Get to grips with the buying process - and what could go wrong
“Understanding the buying process is a practical way you can prepare yourself for buying a property with a partner.
“Buying a home is an emotional rollercoaster - and that can lead to arguments if it’s not all smooth sailing.
“The more informed you both are, the more you’ll be able to handle issues together or notice if something doesn’t feel right.
“Make sure you both know exactly what’s involved in buying a home from start to finish and you’ll be best equipped to navigate it as a team.”
5. Look towards the future together
“Buying a home with a partner is a catalyst to having big conversations about the future.
“It might sound scary, but stay with me!
“It’s the perfect opportunity to do a deep dive into what you want from your life and learn what your partner wants from theirs.
“So first of all, you need to be conscious and aware of exactly what you want in life. Get clear on what your future looks like and then start sharing that information with your partner.
“Talk about whether you want to start a family, if you can see a four-legged friend joining the household and what work or travel ambitions you have for the future. How exciting!
“These chats can help you decide on the right location to buy a home.
“If being close to a good school or your family (i.e. free childcare) is at the top of your list, search by travel time to find the right location.”
Search for homes by travel time
Want to be near your family, the city centre or the train station? Use our travel time tool and stay close to what’s important to you.
“Or, if you’ve both got your heart set on a particular area that has great parks and dog-friendly pubs, a map search might be best for you.”
6. Compromise, compromise, compromise!
“How you can deal with differences of opinions or desires is really important. You both need to be willing to compromise kindly, gently and with understanding.
“Empathy and being able to look at things from your partner’s perspective are integral parts of all healthy relationships.
“You’ll need to not only be able to see their point, but also be willing to find a middle ground - and it’s important that they do the same.”
“So when you’re house-hunting, keep an open mind and be receptive to their ideas - even if a home they like might not be your first choice.”
“Be on board with making that enquiry or going to that viewing if it’s important to your partner.
“It shows that you support their vision and are open to compromise, while giving you a valid way to raise any issues you might have with the property.”
7. Give each other personal space
“We all need personal space - particularly when our stress levels might be heightened, like when you’re planning to move house.
“Think about how you’d define your personal space. How can you communicate this to your partner so they don’t get offended?
“Asking yourself and each other what personal space looks like for you is really important, and communicating it kindly and clearly is just as important!
“These kinds of questions mean you’ll have the correct expectations of each other, both during the search and once you’re in your new place.
“Also - one more thing prior to your home-buying journey - maybe start a swear jar?”
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